Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kristen's LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 27th, 2007
10:02 am	woof fucking woof Okay, so I'm in my basement, and I can still hear that little fucking shitzoo. Yeah, that's not how it's spelled, but those are two words that aren't really the nicest for describing an animal. Well, I guess only I would understand how 'zoo' is can be an adjective. It is, though so stfu. I really haven't written in here for a long time. I have so much to say, but I can't seem to form it all into a sentence, or paragraph. I've noticed that I've become less willing to feel. Not with everything, but I've been subconciously trying to block out emotions. Probably not the best route. Current Mood: .. i don't know (Comment on this)
Monday, July 2nd, 2007
5:55 pm	.. everyone is the same few words. to you would be repetitive, uninteresting and blunt. to me it's a lot more. that's fine, it doesn't matter anymore. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 28th, 2007
5:06 pm	he wasn't what i wanted what i thought, no. I don't even know what to say about the matter. fuck. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
6:28 pm	.. you have no idea what to think, what is there? is there anything that has yet to be covered? whether or not there is is beyond me. it's something i'm sure we'd all like to know. stupid bitch. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
8:55 am	;'sdklgsd Long day already, only 10 and I'm ready to split. Last night I took the bird to get her nails clipped at Petsters, some guy I don't know was working and he did it, but then sweetie twitched and he cut her. I'm pretty sure I panicked, and got little to no sleep worrying. Damn anxieties. And I'm fucking sick. If only you could hear me coughing and my gross stuffed up nose. I hate that. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 11th, 2007
10:45 am	yep just fucking pretend nothing is wrong. (Comment on this)
10:13 am	forget about the dirty looks. Guess how much weed I'm going to go smoke, holy cow. There's nothing I hate more than people questioning life without knowing the extremity of the situation, death is a huge deal, and probably something you're not willing to go through with. If you're not, then why in gods name would you worry everyone around you?You can say it doesn't matter because no one cares, that's what everyone always says, pretty typical if you ask me. That's just another cry for attention for the most part. Of course there are times with certain people where they aren't thinking properly, that should be the only time that should come out of someone's mouth. Am I not good enough? Is my friendship not enough to keep you alive? Why tell me that I'm important to you if you're just going to say how worthless your entire life is? I don't know what more I can give you. I spend an immense amount of time with you, don't get me wrong, I enjoy it. Ever since you said that I've been second guessing everything you say, overthinking it, trying to understand what's going on in your head. I've figured enough of it out to get a rough idea of where I stand. I'm glad I've figured some things out, now there's no more laying in bed just thinking about every possible thing that could have went on, but now I am forced to think about how things are going to end. No matter how much we seem to know each other you still can't shake that opinion of me off. How is it that I have more faith in myself than you do? I never would have dreamed it would have come to this. It feels like the right time, a time when everything I know is falling apart. Nothing to hold me over. Everything I depend on just keeps failing me. Current Mood: relieved Current Music: i'm not okay (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
11:18 am	sometimes we take pills. School is so boring when you skip without people. I'm sitting here in the library, it's really boring. I'm on a mad hunt for a paper. I hate when smokes break, it's the most obnoxious thing ever, they should make smokes of steel, only that wouldn't have a good end result. What would the result be, you ask? The result of steel smokes would be some sort of disease that hasn't even been invented. Yes, it would happen for sure. Lol. I'm a bad liar. Well, sometimes. The librarian just asked where I'm supposed to be, and who sent me up here, I told her I had an appointment in a few minutes and I needed to look something up, so now I'm killing time. Smart me! That's a lie. I'm not smart. AHHH look at me lie. It's terrible. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
11:48 am	now i already know. UHG@the inconvenience of this entire situation. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
2:25 pm	.. Wow. There's not even enough room here for this. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 1st, 2007
5:32 pm	fuck subjects No, i'm sure of it, there's no second guessing. I know how I'm feeling. it might not be a good idea. there's no way i want to continue this. i hate it, why would i? fuck fuck fuck fuck (Comment on this)
Friday, May 18th, 2007
3:58 pm	.. Of course this is how it's going to be, I wouldn't expect anything else to have happened. Nothing lasts, I'm aware of that. It always has to come really suddenly, though. When you're not aware of it in the least. That's a lie, I guess I did know what was happening, but because it's the only thing I knew, I couldn't see it happen, so I ignored it. Only to let it build up until quite frankly, I can't take it anymore. Great, I've gone and made things worse for myself. I fucking miss you. I hope you know I'll change for you. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
10:14 am	all my faces.. I hate school, I hate every aspect of it. Don't fucking walk over to me like nothing happened. Don't touch me, I don't want you near me right now, quite honestly. I bet you didn't realise you're a liar. You could have, but you might not care. I know you so well, yet not at all. You put on a show for everyone, I see it now. It's taken longer for me to figure these things out about you than it does for most people. Maybe it's because you realise what you are in time to hide it, who knows. I'm sitting here thinking about everything you've ever said to me, and I can't help but laugh. Not a hearty laugh, not one that's even in the least bit enjoyable, but one of pity, and probably hurt. You've taught me a lesson through this, though. I'd thank you, but it's a situation you put me in, which forced me to learn and discover that did it, not you. For you were nothing more than the one who happened to be there to hurt me. It's going to continue to completely shock me everytime I think about what you've done and decided to carry this out. Everything that's happened has been a result of your actions. Does that make you feel responsible for others' pain? Well, it most certainly should, but I don't think it does. Of course I'm not inside your head, I can't feel what you're feeling, but I care enough to try and put myself in your position and empathize. Alright. Done. Care to hear what I've come up with? I'm sure you do, but that's too bad. Maybe one day I'll help you decipher your thoughts. It might even help future victims of your actions. What a repetitive life you live. Same thing over and over again. You find someone, pretend, then inflict pain. I hope you see how this all looks. It's not so pretty. Get what together? You're stopping me from being together. Hm, whatever. Fucking ass holes. Nothing makes me more pissed off than this sort of thing. Jesus Christ. This is where I wish I could put you in my and so many others positions. You're point of view would change so drastically. I would love to see you all live with that guilt, the guilt I felt for quite a long time. That just sounds sadistic. I don't want anyone to be feeling how I am. It's a terrible feeling, but everything would be so much better if you could see things the way I do now. No, my point of view isn't the best, or only way to see things. Obviously. It does however you'll feel better about.. Everything. Don't fuck with me, don't tell me lies. Ones you know are completely truth less. I fucking hate you. I've never been able to say that about anyone with so much passion. But I can, I feel it. So much hard work and money, all to make me feel worse. If there's one thing through all of this that I can say I still really care about it's other people, and what they have to endure. As far as I can see they're getting exactly what I get. What that is is less than satisfactory. You hurt people more than anything. In conclusion to my ridiculous ramble of hatred I would like to say thank you for everything, I love you. I learned so much from you. The impact you've had on me is immense, and it's the best change I could have asked to undergo. Current Mood: hhhhhhhhm Current Music: here in your arms. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 14th, 2007
8:28 pm	.. Hahahah. omg you dumb bitch. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 11th, 2007
10:05 am	It's no matter, because nothing will change. No matter what, you're not winning. There's just no way. but since i already know nothing is going to change i can get to the point where i overlook the parts i don't like, and hurt to watch, and make something else out of them. of course there really isn't anything too great to make of all this. all i can seem to make is disgust. i wasn't originally trying to find something negative, but it's all there is. of course no one is expecting you to live like that for a set amount of time, but there is such a thing as empathy. nope, i'm not even seeing that as necessary. there's not much being asked for. maybe just a though about other people. you're showing everyone where they stand, and it's not looking good. there isn't a feeling any worse than this one. every single thing that runs through your head all day everyday is something else to worry and stress about, it just ends up giving a tight horrible feeling in your chest, and there's no way to make it go away. normally you hear people say that thoughts are really powerful. i'm not going to disagree, because they are to a certain extent. why does it have to be so that only the bad ones take the front seat in my mind? my life is run on those thoughts, and it doesn't make for an enjoyable one. lets look at the consequences. freedom and happiness against worry and stress. yeah i know what i would pick, too. it's not that hard, right? then why does it have to be? how can it be? i DON'T care what happens when i'm gone, that's the point of going, no more worrying. don't make that about you, it isn't about you. it's just another choice in life, one that's made personally, without the help of anyone else, once it's done, it's done. end of story. fuck this bullshit, i want one thing before everything is said and done, and i can't even do that. fuck. Current Mood: sdjkfhgkdsj (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
4:57 pm	i think the problem here's there's nothing wrong.. This hurts. In every way possible. This feeling is the closest to being beat repeadedly in the back of the head with a two-by-four. I want it gone. Current Mood: crappy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 7th, 2007
7:29 pm	Don't look at me when you finally figure it all out. You've made everything how it is. I'm not doing any of this for you, just so you know. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
12:48 pm	you're gonna die. This option is becoming more and more appealing with every passing day. Clear path from here. I can't wait. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
8:38 pm	lo;j I won't be anywhere near somewhere like that again. I can use everything last bit of control I have, and I'll succeed. Fuck off. (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
5:27 pm	peeom A pact has just been made within myself. Awesome. Watch me succeed with this fuckers. I'm watching, just so you know. Maybe it sounds creepy, but it's because I care a hell of a lot. I wish I wasn't such a fucking hypocrite with this. Oh, and you are an immensely sized bitch. Fuck you and all those who associate with you. Harsh? I think so. (Comment on this)